Seek the Solution in Yourself

Years ago, I joined a newly formed leadership team created by a reorganization. We were deep in the “storming” phase. If you’ve seen The Boys in the Boat, you’ll know what I mean when I say: we weren’t rowing together—far from it.

Alliances formed, back-channel conversations circulated, and agreements were made, only to be ignored. Work was tense and unproductive. Eventually, an executive coach was brought in to help us function as a team.

The process wasn’t easy. We met with the coach individually and came together quarterly to work on team dynamics. These sessions were intense—vulnerable moments, uncomfortable truths, even tears. But over time, we began to lean into our strengths, voice what needed to be said, and ultimately align.

In one private session, I vented my frustration about a colleague I found especially hard to work with. The coach gently suggested I “seek the solution in the self.” It sounded like something Yoda would say. I pushed back: She’s the difficult one!

But then the coach asked two questions that stayed with me: 

1. Was my ego, caught up in being “right,” contributing to the problem?

2. Could I let go of being right and approach the situation from a place of curiosity instead?

Simple questions. Powerful shift. I changed my approach—and the partnership improved.

To this day, I still hear my coach’s voice: What role am I playing in this dynamic? What’s mine to shift?

Have you ever set your ego aside and improved a relationship or outcome? I’d love to hear your story.

(Coaching offers a chance to pause, get curious, and grow in meaningful ways. If you—or someone you know—are navigating a major decision, facing a tough dynamic at work, or feeling stuck in your career or life, reach out at esther@esthercoaches.com for a complimentary consultation.)