Do You Want to Be It? Or Do You Want to Do It?

My dad, a physician and academic, often asked a deceptively simple question when mentoring others: "Do you want to be it—or do you want to do it?”

This question has stayed with me, and I find myself asking it often in my coaching practice.

I remember once discussing a PhD with my favorite literature professor. He asked me, "Do you have a passion for it? Do you want to be a professor, or do you want to do the work of a professor—researching, writing, teaching, and publishing?" In the end, I realized academia wasn’t my path, but that question not only helped me find my way, but has also served as a guidepost throughout the years when I’ve found myself at career crossroads.

This distinction—be it vs. do it—shows up in careers at every level, especially when navigating change.

Clients often come to me with goals like:

• “I want to be a professor, a doctor, a trial lawyer, an artisan.”

• “I want to be an Account Executive, a Creative Director, a Product Manager.”

• “I want to be Managing Partner, VP, or Head of something.”

• “I want to run my own consultancy.”

They’re answering: What do I want to be? (a question our culture tends to reward). But the more revealing—and often deeper—question is: What do I actually want to do?

You might love the idea of being a “Head of,” but do you also want to do what that job entails?

This question is a game-changer. Aspirations matter, but they need to work in tandem with what you do best, the problems you’re excited to solve, and the culture that energizes you. Aspirations alone aren’t enough—they need to be rooted in the work that aligns with your true strengths and interests.

Early on, it’s natural to chase titles. You’re building confidence, exploring different roles, and figuring out what lights you up. It’s like career dating—you’re discovering your type.

But over time, the opportunity—and responsibility—to be intentional in your choices grows. Instead of chasing titles, focus on what fits you.

Ask yourself:

• What are my superpowers? When am I at my best, and what am I doing? (Strategizing? Building relationships? Solving problems?)

  
  

• What challenges excite me? What problems do I love to dive into?

  
  

• Who do I want to work with? Big-picture thinkers? Steady operators? Creative collaborators?
  
  

• What’s been true of my favorite roles? What did I love about the culture, pace, and environment?
  
  

• What energizes me—and what drains me, even if I’m good at it?

Practicality matters too. A role may align with your strengths and values, but it also needs to meet your financial and life needs. This isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about finding something that’s both meaningful and sustainable.

So, as you consider your next move, get clear on whether the work of that role is something you want to grow into and do every day.

The most fulfilling careers aren’t built on what we aspire to be. They’re built on what we love to do—day in and day out.

The next time you eye a new opportunity, pause and ask yourself: Do I want to be this… or do I truly want to do this?